Let Go
by Tillyalf427
Summary: An Ikuya X Natsuya fanfic that no one apart from me asked for, apparently my original summary was too long so whoop Ikuya always hated winter, it was the most stressful time of year for him, luckily Natsuya is happy to help him.


**A/n: So this was a random idea I had, I'm sorry...**

 **But anyway please read the tags before reading because there are some things people may not like...for example, incest...kind of**

 **Again I'm terribly sorry I just love this ship**

 **But for once I didn't make Ikuya suffer too much**

Winter had always been Ikuya's least favourite season growing up. He often blamed it on the cold weather making him unable to swim in the school's outdoor pool however, even now that he was in university, the cold months towards the end of the year still brought about that same feeling of longing. Part of him thought that the reason for this was because of the stress that came around the winter, everything was cold, everything was busy and most of all, everything was too much for him to handle.

He spent most of his free time in winter indoors trying to avoid the cold as he huddled underneath a thick blanket and today was no different. He wasn't doing anything in particular, just sitting, and thinking. His thoughts drifted from swimming to his friends, before eventually coming to his brother. His brother, the one who usually helped him out when he got too stressed, sadly also the one who wasn't here.

The stress had been building up for a while now and although Ikuya knew he should have talked to Natsuya about what was bothering him in the beginning, however, Ikuya wasn't sure what it was that was actually bothering him. There was no one specific reason for the anxiety bubbling under his skin, no quick solution that would solve all his problems.

He needed to let go.

He needed Natsuya with him, to help him let go and just exist without having to think. However, he could never be that lucky. Natsuya was still traveling and the last Ikuya heard he was in Australia where a well known and respected coach was staying. The last thing Ikuya wanted was to interrupt his beloved brother with his childish needs.

"I can deal with this myself, I don't need someone to order me around or anything, Natsuya won't be with me forever and I need to learn how to deal with this on my own..." Ikuya muttered to himself as he rose from his previous seated position on the chair in the corner of his dorm room. He walked over to the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle, grabbing a mug and a tea bag to make himself a drink. As the tea brewed, Ikuya let his mind wander again, losing track of the time, however, he was snapped out of it by a sharp knock at the door.

Confusion filled his head, adding to the jumbled mess of thoughts as he questioned who could be knocking on his door. It wasn't too late, the clock having struck 6 o clock mere moments ago, however, the only person who really visited his dorm room was Hiyori who always either called or texted before he came. He made his way over to unlock the door, hearing a vaguely familiar voice humming outside.

Almost immediately after the door was opened, Ikuya was tackled into a hug which confused him for a minute before his brain caught up and realised that it was Natsuya. He barely noticed the concerned look graced upon his brothers face until a gentle hand came to rest on his cheek, snapping him out of his daze as his eyes finally focused on Natsuya's face, his forehead furrowed in concern.

"Ikuya? What's wrong?" Natsuya asked, his voice holding nothing but concern as he searched his brothers face for any hints at what was on his mind

"It's nothing, I just zoned out a bit, I'm fine," Ikuya replied, forcing a small smile in a pathetic attempt to convince his brother. Natsuya didn't look the least bit convinced as he continued staring at his brothers face, trying to decode what was wrong until finally, it clicked in his head.

"I know what it is. You're stressed aren't you?" The pure concern lacing his older brother's voice caused Ikuya to nod gently, avoiding breaking eye contact with the brunette.

"Why didn't you tell me?" It was a rhetorical question and Ikuya knew it and so he stayed silent. During a scene, he was supposed to be silent unless spoken to or to use his safeword and he had already begun to fall into his headspace, the only place where he was safe to let go and allow his brother control everything.

"Ikuya what's your safeword?" Natsuya asked gently, lifting Ikuya off the floor where he had been knocked before he turned to lock the door which was still wide open.

"Apple," Ikuya responded almost immediately, earning Natsuya's hand gently running through his hair as the next question came

"What's your colour Ikuya?"

"Green sir," The response was almost instantaneous, making a smile appear on Natsuya's face.

The older of the two began guiding Ikuya over to the chair he had been sat in before with a hand pressed gently against the back of his neck. When they reached the chair, Natsuya gently pushed Ikuya down to kneel next to the chair before he gave him a quick gentle kiss and went to go and gather everything he needed.

Ikuya waited, kneeling on the floor just as Natsuya had asked and he let his mind go completely blank for the first time in months. To place his entire trust in his brother was equally terrifying and freeing and gave Ikuya the perfect time to completely let go of everything bothering him.

Natsuya returned soon after, after rummaging around for a bit and in one hand, he held a large bundle of leather straps, buckles clinking together as he walked over to Ikuya and in the other hand was a silk blindfold. As soon as the brunette reached Ikuya he ordered him to strip as he moved the coffee table in front of the chair forwards a bit to give his brother more room later on.

After untangling the leather straps, Natsuya knelt down in front of Ikuya and began wrapping the leather around him, buckling all the straps as Ikuya fell deeper into his headspace

Natsuya began with the thick leather collar which he had separated from the pile of straps and buckles. He wrapped the heavy material around Ikuya's neck and fastened it so that it pressed gently against the youngers neck, making his breathing become slightly labored. Next, he moved on to wrapping the leather around Ikuya's torso, tightening the strap and asking Ikuya if it was alright. He received a breathy gasp of

"Tighter...please sir..." from Ikuya and complied with the younger, trusting him to use his safeword if he needed to.

He continued like this until Ikuya's body was completely decorated with intersecting leather straps which bound his hands behind his back and restricted both his breathing and movement. When Natsuya was finished, he admired the end result as Ikuya gasped, trying to stay as quiet as possible. As a finishing touch, Natsuya turned Ikuya around so that he was facing the chair before wrapping the soft blindfold around Ikuya's eyes, fastening it tightly behind his head before stroking a hand across Ikuya's cheek as he began whispering gentle praises to him

"You're so good for me baby, look so amazing like this, you're beautiful..." A small whimper escaped Ikuya's mouth involuntarily at this and he quickly silenced himself as Natsuya took a set in front of him on the chair.

"I want you to sit and be a good boy and be quiet for me. I'll be right here if you need me, just say your safeword or a colour and I'll be right here, okay?" Natsuya's voice was loud and clear as he spoke, confirming that Ikuya understood before he did anything else.

Natsuya began gathering supplies that he would need to look after Ikuya afterwards, keeping a sharp ear out in case Ikuya said a safeword.

Ikuya could feel himself falling completely into his subspace as his mind focused on the quiet noises Natsuya made as he moved around. His knees had begun aching a while ago from being knelt down however, he appreciated having something to focus on to help ground himself slightly. His head felt slightly dizzy and he considered asking Natsuya to loosen the collar around his neck, however, the dizziness mainly came from him being focused on any small noise. Every car that passed by, every person walking outside, every breath Natausy took, they all sounded as if they were right next to him.

After a while, Ikuya sensed Natsuya sitting down in the chair in front of him and he attempted to reach his hands out to touch him however he was stopped by the leather that was wrapped constrictingly around his arms. Natsuya, upon noticing Ikuya struggling against his bonds asked in a calm, steady voice

"Ikuya, what's your colour?"

Ikuya jolted slightly in surprise at the question before remembering to answer

"G..Green sir..." He stuttered. He wasn't sure how much time had passed and he wasn't sure how much longer he wanted to keep going however, he hadn't quite reached his limit yet and he was enjoying the quietness of everything. Enjoying the silence filling his brain, replacing the usual loud thoughts which surrounded everything he did. When he thought about it, it felt almost like he was drowning but for once he didn't feel the need to struggle or try to get back to the surface. He knew that whatever happened, Natsuya would protect him and take care of him afterwards

This went on for another half an hour, with Natsuya checking in with Ikuya regularly to check he was alright. It was silent the entire time which allowed Ikuya's mind to drift anywhere it wanted, going from thoughts of swimming to Natsuya, to thoughts of his childhood and past memories.

Everything was going well until he tried to take a deep breath. The constricting around his chest suddenly no longer felt comforting, it was restricting. It was as if the imaginary pressure he felt before had become a physical manifestation which was now stopping him from breathing. He could still distantly feel the happy floating feeling from before and it slowed down his thoughts so that it took him a minute to remember his safeword.

"...Apple...!" Ikuya gasped out, his mind hazy and his thoughts jumbled.

Natsuya shot into action, gently pulling the blindfold off Ikuya's eyes and unbuckling Ikuya's bonds as quickly as humanly possible and before Ikuya knew it, he was being gently cradled in Natsuya's arms, a warm blanket was thrown on top of him to reduce the shivering that he hadn't even noticed had started. He could distantly hear Natsuya's voice and he tried his best to focus on it, however hard it was to do.

"Shhhh, It's okay...You're safe, I promise you. You did so well for me, I love you so much," Natsuya's calming voice helped to pull him out of his mild panic, however, the sudden rush of emotions he felt caught him off guard, causing tears to gently roll down his face as Natsuya continued comforting him.

It took a while but Natsuya eventually calmed Ikuya's tears, gently rocking him back and forth as he stroked a hand up and down his back.

"...Nat...suya..?" Ikuya's voice asked weakly after a while

"Yeah, baby? What's wrong?" Natsuya's voice was soft as he spoke not wanting to scare Ikuya

"I'm sorry...Was I good...?" Ikuya averted his eyes from Natsuya's face as he asked this, however, Natsuya lifted his head to regain eye contact

"You were perfect baby, I promise you, you have nothing to be sorry for, you're the best, as always" Natsuya planted a gentle kiss on Ikuya's head before continuing "Come on, let's get you in the bath, it will help you to relax,"

As he said this, Natsuya scooped Ikuya up in his arms, still wrapped in a blanket and he made his way to the bathroom, gently placing Ikuya on the toilet seat before starting the water in the bath.

"Here, eat this," Natsuya handed Ikuya a chocolate bar, gaining a confused look from Ikuya who stared with wide eyes. "It will help to bring your blood sugar up, it will help you feel better later on but it might just take a while to kick in." Ikuya simply nodded and followed what Natsuya said, trusting that he knew what he was doing.

It didn't take long for the bath to fill up and Natsuya was soon lifting Ikuya gently into the warm water, settling behind him after stripping his clothes off and pulling the younger to rest against his chest. The brunette began gently massaging Ikuya's shoulders, running his fingers gently across the lines left behind from the leather. In places it had bitten into Ikuya's skin, leaving long angry red marks. Upon seeing this, Natsuya made a mental note to get the antiseptic cream out of the cupboard before going back to Ikuya's bedroom.

After gently washing Ikuya and massaging his muscles, Natsuya lifted him back out of the bath, wrapping him in a large towel and carefully drying him off, avoiding the cuts along his chest and arms.

Once Ikuya was dry, Natsuya pulled out the antiseptic cream from the cupboard in the corner of the small bathroom and applied it over the cuts from the leather. He took his time to ensure he didn't hurt Ikuya and then wrapped him back in the blanket from before, carrying him back out to his bedroom and placing him gently on his bed. He joined him not long after with a bottle of water, coaxing Ikuya to sit up and drink from the bottle.

It wasn't long until the two were tangled up together under the duvet, Natsuya whispering into Ikuya's ear about how perfect he was and how much he loved him and it took even less time for Ikuya to fall asleep, hiding his face in Natsuya's chest as he slept. Natsuya gave him one last fond look before closing his eyes and going to sleep too.


End file.
